I wrote yesterday’s post and afterwards, I could not stop thinking about why Mr. Bumble never made a move. I’m as Leo as they come – extremely confident, a bit of a narcissist, fiercely loyal and manipulatively charismatic. I always have a hard time dealing with situations with men who aren’t absolutely head over heels for me. I say this in the most humble way possible, but I get a lot of attention from men. Plain and simple, I’m sexy and I own it. Now, I’m not saying I am God’s gift to this Earth or that I’m under some false impression that every man I encounter is attracted to me – no, that is not the case at all. But if a man is attracted to a curvy girl with big boobs, a big ass, an hourglass shape and a pretty face, he will probably look at me twice.
Obviously Mr. Bumble enjoyed spending time with me and even went as far as saying he wanted a relationship. So why would he not be physical? Mr. Bumble is a good guy but not that good of a guy, do you know what I mean? LUCKILY, him and I are super close and I have the luxury of being able to straight out ask him, knowing he’ll tell me the truth.
All of which I understand. It has been pretty rough for him in the last little while and the girls he is currently being physical with are fwb’s that he’s had for a long time.
….Am I super messed up to feel relieved knowing he’s attracted to me and that in some sense, I still “win”? Again, I am not sexually attracted to Mr. Bumble. But it really bothered me that he might also not be sexually attracted to me. This is definitely my egotistical side shining through. For better or worse, this is one of the harsh truths I have learned about myself while dating – I am cocky as hell. I don’t mean confident, I mean legitimately cocky. If a guy doesn’t reciprocate interest, I can’t handle it. Instead of letting it go, I purposely pursue the relationship until the guy tells me he wants me and then I completely stop giving a fuck. “He understands how amazing I am and now on to the next one.”
I guess the best I can do is to make a conscious effort to change this way of thinking. It really doesn’t get me anywhere and ultimately, the satisfaction I feel is useless.